i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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