Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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