I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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