matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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