It's Friday. Sex?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
