Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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