office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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