I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize