I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
