dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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