apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
