i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize