Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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