It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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