im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
