i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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