Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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