I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
