I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
