She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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