Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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