Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
