Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
