Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
