He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
