I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
