I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
