I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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