I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
