i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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