hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
