ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
