Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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