I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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