Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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