Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
