All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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