i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
