yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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