dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
