thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
