there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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