oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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