guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
