I think I died a long time ago.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
