she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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