I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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