I could make wine with my vomit
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
