Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
