and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The power of my boobs compel you
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
