i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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