My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
