I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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