i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
