remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
