He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
