i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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