You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
