3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
