The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My penis needs a shock collar
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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