I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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