it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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