Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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