I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize