these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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