You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
