I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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