You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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