I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
