he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
