My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
